As I sit down to write this report and reflect upon Saturdays game and night out I can proudly say I am pleased to be part of this up and coming team with so much young talent blossoming. I speak on behalf of everyone when I say let’s keep the morale up and win this league!!!

On a glorious July’s summer day, Cowdrey arrived at the ground in there usual dribs and drabs with nothing less than a win required. Morale was high in expectation of a team night out after the game. The team remained pretty much the same as the previous weeks. Jo Southwart was welcomed back after visiting his girlfriend in Croatia at her workplace (a seedy extra’s Pole dancing club), and Prastka was shipped in, to replace the tea demolishing Barney.

I arrived at the ground with Strike Bowler Hammond slightly late to see the rest of team taking care of the usual pitch duties. 2nd X1 wannabe Marshall was seen rolling all the tracks except for the one we were meant to be playing on. The duties were finished up and the team gathered round for a usual catch up when everyone suddenly spotted that Hammond had actually been involved in a fight with a lawn mower. After listening to a recommendation from Captain Warner, Hammond decided to get a cut at the local “Nuts” hair dressers but it rather looked like he had been to Windsor via the Legoland Barbers.

The opposition arrived early and looked in good spirits carrying out some fielding practice.

Warner, fresh from his stint in the League Representative Side for lowest run scorers in the league made his way out to the middle with the opposing skipper and tossed away. Another loss and Wye put themselves in to bat.

An inspired team talk was needed and given by Captain Warner in the dressing room following an appalling display at Betteshanger last week. It seemed to work as the Cowdrey spirit of old took to the field buzzing and chirping once again. Probert set the tone with an excellent first over beating the bat several times. Wye got used to the variation in pace of Probert and Clark and set off at a good run rate before there skipper holed out to a full toss off Probert. The Aussie started to find his feet and hit the ball well and Wye were looking good so Warner looked to his strike bowler Hammond who in his 3 over spell had little luck. On came Marshall and Needham, to take the pace off the ball, and it seemed to work. Needham getting the break through with trigger Happy Bill giving the Aussie out leg before wicket.

Cowdrey were buzzing. Wye began to bat surely and sensibly. As the heat pounded down Cowdrey were getting restless and needed another wicket. Marshall came through with the goods, and Probert caught comfortably in the covers. Marshall bowled his trade mark full toss delivery which was smacked down to Mid on and caught well by Lego for a crispy duck served with pancakes and cucumber.

Wye finished off with a respectable 206 all out.

Tea was served up …. No, Gary wasn’t bowling again!! A good spread was on display and we set about devouring the Southwart delights.

Over tea, I had a word with the skipper and informed him that I am an opening batsman and that’s what I am here for. Some great running between the wickets by Southwart and the odd boundary from me and we were starting to look in a good position. The Oppo were getting frustrated with Southwart as he struggled to time the ball. He kept his cool and carried on with the job in hand.

Wye continued to battle on but had no answers, nothing was working against us and they began to realise what a classy batsman I was. I wanted to tell them about my other great knocks, but they just weren't interested...don't know why? Anyway, I soon had my 50 and we were racing away with the game while the rest of the team watched on. The hundred partnership soon came up and Southwart began to time a few shots and I continued to run well and hit the odd boundary.

The score was pushing on until Southwart decided to get out, hitting straight to Mid On as usual, with a good catch by the Wye skipper saw Cowdrey on 145-1. Southwart senior came to the crease looking confident from a net session and continued the running momentum well. I picked up the run rate until eventually getting caught out on the World’s biggest boundary for 92. Hammond stepped up and battered the bowling attack finishing off the game very quickly with a quick 28 no off 14 balls, and Southwart senior 17 no. A great win by Cowdrey which puts them right back up there with a chance of winning the league again.

Hand shakes were exchanged with the Oppo and their umpire genuinely thanked us for an unforgettable afternoons entertainment.

We set about getting everything put away quickly, ready for the big night ahead. The few players that needed to straighten their hair rushed home and the others with little or no hair made there way to the George.

With faces moisturised, hair straightened and after shaved applied everyone arrived at the George promptly and were told the drinking rules for the night. Young 'pool hustler' Needham started to fleece birthday boy Prastka and friend of their cash while other team members took part in watching the 20/20 final which involved drinking games per ball.

A kitty was collected from team members and the booze began to flow, I found myself on wickets which involved downing whatever booze you had left every time a wicket went down. I soon found myself having to down 2 pints thanks to Barneys twin brother Rob Key edging behind. Others who consumed a lot of booze were those on singles and boundaries and before long Southwart Junior was throwing his guts up in the sink quickly followed by captain Warner – leading by example. After a thrilling end to the cricket the rest of the alcohol was consumed. A birthday pint and Sambuca was bought for B-day Praska which he downed impressively. We moved on to the Tonbridge Rugby club to meet the very Village second team lead by Sully. Pints and shots were handed out as stories of the games were exchanged between the 2 teams. Lego was seen busy loitering around the dance floor looking for drunken unsuspecting women, with his side kick Southwart. Jnr, while Prastka was drinking like a fish.

We quickly moved on due to lack of decent women and Fozzy trying to take advantage of us in our drunken states. (Lego had to be dragged away kicking and screaming) We moved on to the Castle pub, Wilcox was seen staggering home with his head between his legs. A quick drink was thumped back and then onto the famous J.D Wetherspoons for some cheap drinks. Prastka was bought more booze and his mate Jeff who is 18 but looked older than Andy Roberts refused to contribute to his best mates demise. 3 more shots were lined up for the b-day boy as the rest of the team were being threatened by the bouncers to be thrown out. Prastka immediately ran off to the toilets and kindly re-decorated the doorway and the rest of the floor leading up to the cubicles. Saw dust had to be put down to soak up the damage and make sure no one slipped over.

Prastka staggered home and has still yet to be seen since…? The rest of the Mob dragged themselves down to the brilliant local nightclub they call SOS. Everyone danced the night away and that’s when memory loss started to occur for most people.

Man of the Match and Southwart Jnr (the 2 pretty boys) were fighting off the girls while Warner and others, bellies started to rumble headed for the kebab shop only to bump into the 2 Wye middle order batsmen in there on there way back from dropping Clarky’s missus off!

Lego was last seen tying to ruffle his hair up, trying to change the style but it just wouldn’t move so decided to stagger on to Justine Fishers house to Bowl the Maiden over!!!!

LW