With the local derby against Pembury on a sun drenched Saturday, Cowdrey arrived at the ground in dribs and drabs. None of the players were looking too enthused or too keen following a recent run of loses against Pembury, but on a run of 4 maximum point wins and the first season our village boys, Hammond and Wright, had faced Team Hemstalk, there was no reason for such negativity.

However, GM was last to turn up after leaving Tonbridge at 10.15 to tootle down at 1.5mph, Warner was too interested in food, Strawberries, something healthy for once, and J Owen was reliving his birthday evening which involved a fine array of canapés courtesy of Dougie and Argentinean red in a stately home in Buckingham. Pembury looked keenish, with a rather successful attempt of unnerving Cowdrey with a net session.

On to the toss, and with the pleasantries between the captains exchanged, once again Glen showed his prowess and put Pembury in to bat.

Cowdrey were out in the field early and with the wicket about 20 yards away from one boundary, a large score was not unexpected. The usual pep talk from Warner failed to inspire a slack Cowdrey team in the first few overs, with Tubb struggling up the hill and into the wind with his line and length. Clarky got the nod from the top end, mainly because it was more than likely the ball wouldn’t have reached the wicket if he had to come up the hill. In the second over of the day, Inzi continued his meticulous fielding during the season, failing to bend down far enough at fine leg and letting the ball go for four, something his grandma who was also experiencing a birthday, her 94th, would have been disgusted with.

After an uneventful and sloppy six overs the vice scurried over to the Skip, with an inspirational word in the ear of and I quote, ‘this is an embarrassment, do something or I think Hammond will walk off’, things carried on in the same fashion. Glen brought himself on from the church end and with Clarky still toiling at the top end, with the odd rueful gasp of 'if you hadn’t middled me for four I would have cleaned you up', Cowdrey just couldn’t get a break through. Up to 50 and still without a wicket, Cowdrey’s negativity and poor fielding was making Glens decision to field look unwise.

Surprisingly Glen gave Hammond the nod to come in from the top end, surprising not because he lacks venom and class on the bowling front, but surprise GM or Needham weren’t tossed the ball first. However what Cowdrey were lacking was pace, and with a wicket that favoured pace, Hammond was finally unleashed. Second ball and obviously seething with anger, Hammond floored the unsuspecting batsman with a fierce bouncer and with the ball looping up to Clarky at square leg, Hammond was wheeling away in celebration. What he hadn’t realised was that Clarky was about to join the elite fielders of Cowdrey for the day, step forward Inzi and Gary, and jumping high to his right, the ball hit the deck like Ronaldo in a light breeze.

An over or so later and again Clarky was at it, this time off Warner, running forward 10 yards to try and claim a loopy catch 2 feet in front of Inzi Owen, another was grounded and once again Cowdrey were looking like they had the athleticism of a group of pensioners playing bowls on Brighton seafront.

Pembury were looking menacing, and at 66 for the loss of none, were well placed to post a decent score. Hammond started his 3rd over and with a bit of away swing he had accounted for Eaton, with Steve 'the cat' Willcox taking a smart catch to his right. A ball later and Bidder was sent packing, with The Cat taking an even better catch further to his right.

Cowdrey were finally on the board and with Cowdrey not taking their foot off the pedal, a tiring Hammond not bowling fit in his 6th over, had removed Purdy and Rice-Tucker, leaving Pembury at 95-4. Purdy was unable to handle the bounce and looped one from high above his head to bucket hands Smith and Rice Tucker, played on for 8.

Needham continued the party at the top end, with a delightful spell of left arm ‘I will vary and try anything'. Buckle and Parsons removed with an equally varied short ball and full toss.

In between wickets, Marshall toiling from the bottom end throwing in his variety of rank long hops and leg stump full tosses, Hemstalk tucked in his bib, took out his knife and fork and with a ‘thank you for that delightful all day breakfast Mr Little Chef, here’s a tip’ dispatched the ball half way down Pembury High Street and into Notcutts Plant centre 2.5 miles down the road. While the ball was being retrieved from a well potted cotinus royal purple, Gary couldnt help but think 2 things. 1) how did that ball travel quicker than my driving and 2) I wonder how my team mates next week in the seconds are getting on? Well to update you sir, one of them was hitting a hundred, I hope you can appreciate it next week. Needham finally put an end to Hemstalk, who swept and missed, with a plum LBW.

With the tiny but mighty Needham bowling 2 jaffas to be the second person on a hatrick for the day, all he could manage was a rather pathetic 3 wickets in 4 balls and finally finished his meagre 4 over spell on 5-13. Pembury had capitulated from 66-1 to 124-6 to 129 all out. Hammond took the final wicket, strangling the final Pembury batsman for width, and bucking the trend to take the only wicket from the bottom end to end with figures of 5-30, quite obviously no where near as impressive or MOTM as the young Needham.

After tea, Cowdrey had 57 overs to hit 130 to win. Surely the Pembury hoodoo would be put to bed.

Early on and the new look opening pair of Willcox and Wright hadn’t lasted long, an unlucky ‘ill use my pad first and worry about the bat second’ Willcox trudged off unluckily only posting three. Jack, hands shaking as he walked in and more worried about his new girlfriend flirting with the rest of the team started unlike his previous matches. Pembury went about showing up Southwart’s obvious weaknesses on his back foot and with calls of did u promote the number 11 up the order, the banter wasn’t looking too far wrong. What Pembury hadn’t accounted for was the new found mental strength and great ability off his legs that Jack had acquired and he soon was picking up runs in the only place he could, the down hill boundary 20 yards away. Maybe he should head down the gym more often, his new girlfriend agreed. One Shot Ratty however was looking extremely confident clubbing extra cover drive after extra cover drive. Meanwhile the ball was whistling past Southwart’s back on such regular occasion that a blind boy attempting to swat flies would have had more luck at connecting.

With these two steering Cowdrey to victory Ratty was again the victim of his own success and given out LBW trying to flick it off his legs. Maybe if he had carried on cover driving and hadn’t tried a second scoring shot of the day, he would have seen Cowdrey through to the end.

Hammond, in for a fun time, who has a strike rate of over a 100 on every Saturday he has played this year, didn’t last as long as Glen would have wanted, and Cowdrey did there usual attempt at trying to grasp defeat from the jaws of victory. Jack finally holed out and Smith, obviously more interested in beer on his birthday, soon followed. 86 – 2 to 114-5 and it was left to John and Glen to guide Cowdrey to victory. Hemstalk came on for his final overs and what can only be described as a once in a lifetime moment, Warner with brown stains in his pants called John through for an unbelievable 2, to ensure Glen had his wish and didn’t face the big boy bowlers. 31 overs in and Glen clubbed a boundary and with a sigh of relief he considered a 20 point victory was Cowdrey’s to savour.

Compliments please next week on ClarkEys (Is this how you spell it?) shiny and smeered windscreen. Fingers crossed he can see through it!! Add Vaseline to his huge array of nicknames.

AH

This report has been edited.